


Taking over the world with a few hundred Komurins high on coffee

by SatansLollipop



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Other, be afraid, kanda and allen together are a few hundred komurins, lenalee can take over the world, random drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 19:00:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15824997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatansLollipop/pseuds/SatansLollipop
Summary: Random drabble where Lavi's death is plotted and Lenalee may or may not take over the world.





	Taking over the world with a few hundred Komurins high on coffee

“Fuck this!” Kanda snarled, practically foaming at the mouth as he strode out and slammed the door loudly, because he was just dramatic like that.

Lavi grinned after him.

“You _do_ know,” Lenalee noted offhandedly, not even bothering to look up from her sketching of random flowers. “That one day Kanda is going to kill you slowly and painfully and you will deserve every bit of it.”

Lavi winked at her, propping his elbows on the table and resting his chin on them. “Then I’ll have to rely on you to protect me from big bad Kanda, sweetheart.”

She ignored the nickname pointedly. “One day Kanda is going to kill you,” she repeated, “and _I_ am going to help him.”

The redhead gasped in mock horror, both hands reaching up to clutch at his chest. “You wouldn’t!”

“I have your apartment keys, I can pick all your locks in under five minutes and my brother is _Komui_.” Lenalee reminded him blandly, twirling her pencil around. “ _Komui, who would probably get rid of a dead body for me if I asked nicely_. You’d have the honour of being digested by Komurin No.17.”

Lavi paled considerably.

“And if that doesn’t work,” She continued calmly, shrugging. “Allen knows a guy who would be more than happy to help.”

“Allen wouldn’t!”

“I’m pretty sure Allen would, considering all the teasing from you. Even if he does pay for his food by cheating you out of half your income.”

“It’s not possible!” Lavi wailed, throwing his hand and arms onto the table in despair. Apparently this was a touchy subject for him. “I don’t know how he does it but there is no way he can win poker every. Single. Time. He has to be cheating. He _has_ to be.”

“Uh huh.” Lenalee nodded along. He wasn’t wrong, after all.

“And Allen would never help Kanda. _Never_.” Lenalee raised an eyebrow.

For someone so unnaturally observant, he doesn't seem to have noticed that while Allen and Kanda try to strangle each other every time they meet, when they actually stop arguing for more than a minute, they are equivalent to a few hundred berserk Komurin high on coffee. And they only ever stop arguing when they are both annoyed and team up on Lavi.

“Allen _would_ help Kanda. So then Kanda would owe him and he can politely tell Kanda to fuck off to some random deserted island with no one to terrorise for the rest of his life so that he'd never have to see him again. And if that doesn’t work out, hey, he can always turn Kanda in for murder even if that means he’ll have to stop illegal stuff in case he gets stuck in jail with Kanda. Also, you’re annoying so not having you around is a bonus. Allen is a long time planner, you see.”

Lavi stared, not sure whether to be turned on or run for the hills screaming. “I am going to have nightmare and it will be all your fault...wait, Lenalee?”

“Yes?”

“Promise me you won’t try to take over the world with a Komurin army.”

Lenalee smiled at him sweetly. “I won’t try to take over the world with a Komurin army,” Lavi let out a huge sigh of relief. Lenalee’s smile widened. “…because _I don’t need a Komurin army to do that_.”

Lavi chose option B and hightailed out of there immediately, running screaming past a surprised/sulky looking Kanda.

Later, Allen laughed his ass off while a white-faced and trembling Lavi hid in his pillow fort of safety. 

Apparently being terrifying as hell and having violent mood swings ranging from sweet and helpful to homicidal and megalomaniacal was a Lee family trait.


End file.
